Monday, February 11, 2008

New Revelation (mine, not the Bible's :)

I tried to copy and paste from an email I wrote about this... it would've been a whole lot easier!!! :) But for some reason (maybe because I don't know the ins and outs of the Linux OS yet) I couldn't get it to paste here....

I'll try to remember how I worded my new realization, or maybe I'll just have to go back and forth between tabs to re-write it... anyway, on with the show.

I was thinking again this morning (Man, do I do that a lot! :)... and I realized that I do something that I need to change. There was this certain idea that I came up with that I ran by a certain person whom I respect very much, and he liked it! That was a big deal to me. It's a project I'm looking at undertaking, and when I realized how big a deal it was to me whether or not he liked it, I started feeling a little resentful.
Then I started digging deeper into that feeling, wondering why I would feel resentful of that. And I saw that I still put this person's opinion up on an unrealistic pedestal. Whatever he thinks is golden, and whatever I think is only right if it lines up with what he thinks. Wow. What a way to live. To not allow myself to think. Unless he thought the same thing. Kind of puts the whole "being one person" thing into a whole new light.
I'm still dealing with issues like shoring up my trust in my own ideas, so somehow I thought that if this person didn't like the idea, that made it NOT RIGHT. I saw that this morning, and told myself that everyone has different opinions, and just because someone else doesn't like an idea DOES NOT mean that I have to put it in my "throw this one in the trash heap" list. I may LIKE the idea a WHOLE lot, and if I throw it away completely, I'll be unwisely setting myself up for discontent. Which isn't good for any relationship, let alone a marriage.
Oops, did I give another clue as to whom I respect so very much? :) I don't care... I'll shout it from the rooftops, "My Man Is Awesome! He is Soooo Smart, and Loving, and Wonderful!" sometimes it's hard NOT to put him on a pedestal...
So, in conclusion, I am going to allow myself to KEEP my individuality, still loving others, AND MYSELF (a somewhat new thing for me), mulling my favorite ideas and opinions over in my brain, instead of having this resentful, "You win, so I lose" attitude. That's not healthy, and it's not very RU either! ;)
The new me is all about compromising, not competition, right? Well, that doesn't mean applying it with the kids, but not my husband... So, here I go with a fresh revelation. And my spirit is fulfilled.
Live in Peace,
Michelle