Enjoying and respecting my kids

Yesterday, the kids had a day that was so chock full of “educational” activities, that I had to record it. I hope I can remember it all!
I got up at 7:30am, and wrote up two professional sounding documents for the “franchise sale” of our cookie business to Lauren and Scott. When the kids got up I read them to them because I was excited about them. We talked a little about how the transaction is going to go.
The kids got up later than usual… around 8:30am or 9, because they’d gotten to bed late. Jesse had stayed up reading his Bionicle book because he couldn’t get the thought of a monster from the Moby Dick story out of his head. They’d listened to the first part of the story on CD before going to sleep. Well, before the younger kids fell asleep. Like I said, Jesse couldn’t get to sleep, so he read. He read the first 72 pages of the book that night.
So, in the morning, after breakfast, I bathed the youngest two kids, and we went to the library. This was on my suggestion to Savannah, because she really wants to become a masseuse who gets paid. She came down in the morning, when I was busy at the desk, telling me how she wanted to set up doing massages in her bedroom for money.
Now, my first reaction was to wave her off telling her that she’s too young, and no one is going to pay her until she is older and has more experience. Pretty standard parental reaction. But then I thought… No, that’s not respecting her feelings. That’s treating her as if she were “just a kid” which is a phrase that I want to rid from my vocabulary and my mindset. Kids are small people. This does not make their thoughts and feelings any less valuable, and they are certainly as real to them as us adults’ are to us!
So, I told her, “Well, Savannah, if you really want to get paid to do massages, then you are going to have to get more experience. You are going to have to learn where the muscles of the body are, and learn some massage techniques.” She agreed to this because this is something she really wants to do. I told her that probably right now, myself, and her two grandmas are the only ones that will pay her to massage them. She was OK with that. So, I told her we could go to the library to get some books on muscles of the body, and massage. “When?!” She asked, all excited.
Here was another parental opportunity. Should I say, “Whenever we have the time, and risk her losing interest? Or should I take advantage of her desire to learn while it is fresh? We had company coming over in about 2 and a half hours, and the house was somewhat messy. I also had nothing planned for lunch for me, my 5 kids, and the 2 visitors coming.
In my old mindframe of thinking that if I don’t have the house spic and span, “people will think that I’m not a good mom/housewife”… or that if I “waste time” going to the library I won’t get anything “real” done… I may have told her that we’d go “as soon as we could”, which may have never materialized, and her wishes to be a masseuse would be blown by as “just something a kid wants”, not all that important, because she’ll go on to something else really soon, because that’s what kids do. BUT! And it’s a big but! I would have lost a learning opportunity, and more importantly, an opportunity to show my daughter that she and her desires matter to me.
All these thoughts went through my mind in less than a minute. (Amazing how quickly our minds process so much information, huh?) So, I said, “Right now.”
“Really? She asked. We can go to the library, right now?!”
Yep. I answered. As soon as you get washed up, comb your hair and get dressed, and I bathe the younger two, we’ll go. She excitedly jumped up to go get ready. Of course she wanted to leave as soon as she was ready, but she understood that I needed to bathe the younger two kids, and the timing worked out better for us to wait a little while, since we would go to the library, check our P.O. Box, and then pick up pizza for lunch with our company on our way home.
Because our van was in the shop, limiting our car seating to 5 people, and Travis said he was too tired to go anyway, I let him stay home alone. I asked Jesse, my 10 year old, if he would go along to watch Jaidyn, my 2 year old, so that I could spend time with Savannah helping her find the right books. Aaron, my 4 year old is pretty self sufficient, and he went to look at books for himself. (This was at our little local library, so I wasn’t worried about him getting lost. It’s VERY small!)
I really enjoyed sitting with Savannah one on one, and looking through the books, picking out age appropriate books with lots of illustrations. We got 5 books including one, that just discusses the sense of touch, and it’s healing properties.
Jesse took Jaidyn to the video section first where she picked out an Elmo video. Then, he got her an Elmo book and read it to her. This warmed my heart to see my 10 year old lovingly taking care of his 2 year old sister, and to see her growing up to the point where she actually has a preference in characters, and can say the character’s name.
When Savannah and I were done choosing her books, I went to find Aaron and asked if he wanted to pick a book. Being 4, he just randomly grabbed one off the shelf, and was happy with that.
We got home, and pretty soon I noticed that Travis had picked up the book that Aaron had grabbed off the shelf. It turned out to be actually quite a long silly story about a doughnut who wants to live life instead of being eaten, and becomes someone’s “doughnut dog”. Travis and Jesse both sat quietly in the living room reading their books. Jesse kept reading his Bionicle book, and before our company had finished their 2 hour stay, he’d finished the whole 122 pages.
Our company was a woman in her early 50’s who is raising her rambunctious 3 year old granddaughter. She seemed quite impressed that the boys were just sitting there, reading books for quite a long time. “You have a couple of readers?” she asked. Implying that she thought that they really loved reading and did it all the time.
“Whenever they are interested in something”, I said. (Just the day before, I’d come down from a nap with my 2 year old to find Jesse reading a book about sharks. I was again amazed at the fact that my 10 year old was voluntarily reading an “educational” book with no story to entertain him. And he does remember those facts that he reads. He’ll quote them at times, and surprise me with his knowledge.) I told her that the boys usually like to play with their Hero Clix, and Pokemon card games. (If you’ve read my other posts, you know that these games involve a lot of Math.)
So, after the company left, Savannah really wanted me to read her massage book to her. I told her I would after my nap. (I am 26 and a half weeks pregnant with my 6th child and need naps.)
She watched a cartoon with Jaidyn to keep an eye on her while I napped in the room down the hall. When I got up, we sat in the living room, and started reading the books. She wanted to skip right to the massage, but I told her she needed to read some of the books. We skipped over the long paragraphs of small print that would have bored her, and just read the main points about how to prepare for giving a massage, what techniques to use on different parts of the body, why each technique is important and we looked at the muscle books showing where the muscles are. We probably read for about 30 to 40 minutes. Technically, she was learning a lot of biology. But to her, it was just fun.
She kept asking, OK, now can we do the massage? So, I made sure to keep her interest, and not make it too long of a discussion. Then we went up to my room, and per the book’s instructions, set up a comfortable space to massage in. It was complete with candles, scents in the air, background sounds of the night, rain, and waterfall, pillows for support, and massage oil. I instructed her, and she referred to the book as she massaged my face, hands, and feet. She probably massaged me for over a half hour! Talk about enjoyable education! We were interrupted a few times by Aaron and Jaidyn, but Savannah’s interest in continuing to massage did not wane. She would go help Jaidyn with something she needed, or wait while I helped Aaron, and was anxiously awaiting beginning again. We discussed how my masseuse does a lot of the things mentioned in the book, and the reasons why. She knows who the masseuse is because she went with me, and met Sharon at my last massage. She waited in the living room while I had the massage, but I think next time, I may take her back to the massage room, and show it to her, and ask Sharon if she minds if Savannah watches for about 5 minutes, and kind of give her a professional instruction session. Unschooling in action!
After Savannah massaged me, I asked her if she wanted a massage, and she did, so I gave her a one. Altogether yesterday, I’d say I spent about 3 hours spending quality time with my 6 year old daughter doing something “educational”. And the entire time, she never lost interest, nothing was forced, it was all something that she really wanted to do, and will remember me taking the time to do with her for the rest of her life. I was very happy with my decision to say, “Yes, we’ll go now to the library!”
Well, I know this is a long post, but I’m trying to remember what all other things went on yesterday… Aaron is starting to draw Pokemon characters, because he is seeing Travis do it. He is learning hand eye coordination, developing his drawing skills, and learning how not to compare himself to other people, especially older people who’ve been doing something longer than he has. He is learning that he can do things at his age level, and still be proud of what he’s doing.
He is not only drawing, but he is labeling his characters. This means that he has to learn to spell them. At 4 and a half, he is learning to write all of his letters correctly, and to spell quite a few words, just because it is something he likes to do.
SIDE NOTE: I AM NOT saying here that unschooling your child will make them an early reader just because they are not forced into learning to read. I AM SAYING, however, that your child does not need to have a set aside period of time to be “taught” their letters! They do not need you to say, “Look! This is the letter A! The letter A makes 3 sounds!” and go on to make the sounds. That kind of teaching is boring for some kids. Granted some kids like it, but my point is that the lecture format is not the ONLY type of learning! Your child WILL at his own rate of readiness, be interested in reading and writing. Through the natural process of life, reading and writing will become a necessity for certain activities that your child is interested in doing. They will naturally come to you, asking, “What does this say? How do you spell this word?” And you will tell them, and it will stick in their heads, because they wanted to know it. And over a period of time, longer for some, shorter for others, they will begin to learn to read and write. I know that this seems so impossible. We are so brainwashed into thinking that if we do not follow a school format, whether in school, or at home, that our children will not learn. I have only been unschooling for a year, but I have seen so much evidence in all 5 of my children, ages 2 to 10, that learning takes place in all types of settings, that I am convinced that allowing my children to learn their own way, at their own pace, is what is best for them. END SIDE NOTE :)
You know, I cannot recall what other “educational activities” my kids performed yesterday. I know you could label their swinging on ropes and playing with their friends in our basement,“gym”, and you could say that all the drawing, writing, and creating was “art”, and the reading was “Language”…. But to my kids, they went about their day just “doing and living”, and I never once heard the words, “I’m bored, Mom.” They are self sufficient to find ways to occupy their time. I think they may have watched a couple of videos with their 2 year old sister… they were her favorites, Franklin the Turtle, and Elmo. But they did not spend all day vegged out with programs that were bad for them, “ruining” their minds, like some people would have you believe that unschoolers do.
It’s just a fact that when you encourage your kids to find things to do on their own, they become capable of such a task. More capable I dare say, than their school-going counterparts who are handed things to do all day long, and are so fried from school that they look for ways to veg out for the rest of the evening.
Well, this may be my longest post yet. Thanks for reading! I like the fact that I can read this in the future, and enjoy remembering the time I had with my kids before they “left the nest”.