Are children Manipulative? Are People Manipulative?

This Facebook post turned into a discussion, and I wanted to post it...

Laura Luster

peaceful parenting: Crying It Out Causes Brain Damage

drmomma.blogspot.com

Experts warn that allowing a baby to "cry it out" causes extreme distress to the baby. And such extreme distress in a newborn has been found to block the full development of certain areas of the brain ...

Yesterday at 7:16pm · Comment · · Share · Report

Laura Luster

Thanks, Amanda, for the link.

Yesterday at 7:21pm

Michelle Schooling

OMG, I don't even need/want to read the article. The title says it all.

Yesterday at 7:43pm ·

Wow... The doctors and nurses in the NICU always told us babies who are held when they are crying are NOT being spoiled they are "well loved" :)

Yesterday at 7:45pm

Michelle Schooling

I think this should apply to all people, especially the overlooked group from ages 2 through 14 or whenever it is that people stop accusing the person of "being manipulative/faking their tears."...

Yesterday at 7:52pm · Delete

I never let my babies cry it out - I thought it was cruel. I nursed them on demand - even if that meant every 2 hours at night till they were both 14 months. Now they sleep like champs and have been since I weaned them.

Yesterday at 8:30pm

I can't imagine not holding a baby who is clearly in distress, even if that distress is "just" wanting to be held. My babies nursed round the clock and I just dealt with it - that's what moms do, isn't it?

Yesterday at 10:03pm

You know what...there is a difference between outright blasting the decibel chart crying and fussing...sometimes babies just fuss...but if my five year old is crying and he doesn't have something wrong (either illness or injury) guess who is getting a reason to cry...babies cry because they are unable to speak...not because they want everything...... See Morethey cry because they need something and we have yet to provide that need...Older kids are commonly spoiled...let a 14 year old cry like that??? no way.

Yesterday at 11:10pm

Michelle, I agree with you 100%. I'm glad you wrote that!

10 hours ago

Laura Luster

I remember a long time ago back when I was 'into' the attachment parenting thing (all my infants were pretty much AP'ed - but I struggled with Positive Parenting) that kids who whined when they were older had been taught this as a coping technique. Negative attention is still attention. I was convinced I would raise my kids in such a way that ... See Morethey would not need to use this technique. I failed. I give tons of attention via negative feedback that whining drives me nuts. Whining does not get the kids anything other than my disapproval so it's not like they are using it to get what they want. I believe this is because they have no other mechanism to use. As an adult, if I am upset, I am "allowed" to use an angry pissed off tone with people. Kids hear that adults use a rotten tone of voice when we are mad, but we tell them not to. Yet, we don't show them through our actions what is appropriate - we only yell at them that they are not allowed to have a bad tone of voice with us. It's kind of interesting to think about. In psychology they give you two methods to remove behaviors - ignore the negative and reward the positive or punish the behavior (which in animal experiments meant shocking them with electricity - true physical abuse). If you pay even negative attention to the negative, then you are rewarding it in some way - which then keeps the behavior in stalemate.

4 hours ago

you are correct in that in some cases even negative attention is a reward in some small way...but you would be amazed at the number of parents who give a child a sucker to quiet them while they are rolling on the floor screaming "I want a sucker"

2 hours ago

Michelle SchoolingThanks, Margie!
I agree with you, Laura. We will never eliminate a person's (or child's) coping technique. Can we help them change it? Maybe. If they are willing to listen to us. If they trust that we know that they are always trying their best, and sometimes life just feels unfair.... Then if we are calm, and tell them what we would like from them (such as, "I find it hard to understand you when you are crying or whining. Or, I find it hard to deal with a lot of crying and whining. I would like you to talk to me to tell me what you would like).
Is this going to work every time? probably not, because like Laura pointed out, sometimes people are just too upset to act rationally, regardless of their age. But if you have an intact relationship with your child, it may work more often than not. and you may find that the habit decreases.

About giving the kid a sucker to stop his screaming... well, are you not giving him the sucker for fear of spoiling him? are you in the habit of not giving him "what he wants" because you believe that in the 'real world' people don't get what they want?... See More
My opinion is that kids are just little people. they will grow up. they learn daily that life is hard sometimes, on their own. Do they need us making it arbitrarily harder?
would you deny yourself, your partner, or one of your friends a dessert if they asked for it? "just because life is unfair and they need to learn that?" Maybe if you suspected that they were always manipulating you. Maybe if you resented it when they asked you for things. Maybe if you thought it wasn't fair that they seemed to have it easy while you struggle through life "not getting what you want".
These are things I think about when my child seems to be whining. I try to put myself in their shoes. I ask myself, when do I act like that? what Am I usually feeling like when I do? Helpless? Choiceless? How can I help them feel like they have choices? How can I help them not feel helpless?
Can you spoil a child? I don't have an *answer* per se... but I'm leaning towards probably not. I agree that you can reinforce whining by not attending to the need underlying it, and just "giving the kid a sucker".
I also think you can damage a kids view of the world by yelling at him to "Stop Whining!" and leaving him/her with the feeling that life sucks. No pun intended. :)

It's Wintertime... time for TOWN!

My amazing kids have recently begun TOWN again. This is a (usually) winter time game that they came up with about 4 years ago.

Yesterday through process of election, each candidate for mayor, Jesse and Travis, made his speech, and Travis was voted in. The speeches were about taxes, monetary contributions to the hospital, mail and banking services. Of course I got them on video!
This morning they have created a Science Lab, a Hospital, complete with IV bag, heart monitor, television/remote, patient charts, etc, a and giant Swimming Pool all with household items.
Wow. I stand in amazement at the knowledge of the world that they demonstrate through play!!!
Travis is the doctor in the hospital. He takes patients, examines their wounds, records their names/injuries on their chart, and does what he can to help them feel better. I suspect his is a wholistic doctor as I'm sure he helps them emotionally as well. Especially his littlest brother, Nathan, who has received the most injuries swinging on the ropes. :) He has probably come in with a few bruises and sore spots. Nathan enjoys the services of the hospital, including the singing doctor who belts out the theme song to one of his favorite TV shows, called SuperWhy
Jaidyn became a nurse today, bringing Nathan into the hospital while the doctor was upstairs in the kitchen procuring supplies for the lab.




Savannah is the Scientist, as well as the Maid and the Taxi Service. He also enjoys swinging on the ropes at the gymnasium (next to the pool) with his sister, Jaidyn.

Science and Memory Lane on a Monday in October

Today we had sunshine! Sometimes that seems like a miracle, like it is today. We will have a whole day of it! We've had gray skies for about 2 weeks now... I told the kids we were going to take the recycling in to our local recycling plant (an often outing for us) to accomplish saving the earth, cleaning out the garage, and getting our 15 minute daily (well, not here in Ohio) dose of Vitamin D.
Travis and I have been discussing how we both seem to have been feeling not so good mentally lately, and as I know that I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder, and our chemical makeups are very similar, we could probably both use some additional Vitamin D for the winter. In addition to taking advantage of the sun we do have, we will be buying some liquid emulsion vitamin D. I am going to get my D levels tested before and after we begin the vitamins to have a record of them. Sound like a science experiment?! :) Travis of course will observe it as part of daily life...
After the recycling where Aaron and Jaidyn seperated the glass, plastic, and paper, we went to the library. They were closed, but there was a man in the parking lot who looked like he was putting wires into the cement. Travis urged me to ask what he was doing. We ended up with a private mini-lesson in which the kids learned how cement cures, gets cut to prevent uneven cracks when shrinking, and that process takes approximately 30 days. At the point (which happened around today), you need to put roping (which was what we mistook for wiring) into the cracks, and seal them over with caulk to prevent water from freezing in them and seperating the concrete. Travis was completely intrigued and soaked in the info like a sponge. You think it had something to do with the fact that he wanted to know about it??? :) LOL
On the way home, we were discussing concrete, and I remembered that the driveway to our old house on the hill, which we had just passed, had Jesse, Travis, and Savannah's handprints in it from the year 2000, when we had it poured. Savannah was 6 months old at the time, Travis 2.5 years, and Jesse 4 years.
We turned around to go see the handprints. They were sooo tiny!! :) Travis was overwhelmed with nostalgia. He and Savannah have always held that house in their hearts as a very special place. Travis lived their from age 2.5 to age 5. It is truly amazing to me how much he remembers from that time. He asked the current resident if he and Aaron could come in and take a trip through memory lane. She let them in, and he remembered exactly how our furniture had been arranged and enjoyed the fact that much of it was still the same. His dad had built a school room for Jesse in the basement, and it turns out it's still there, only an office now. Travis remembered just where he, his older brother, and his dad stood to take their picture while they were all wearing Superman shirts. He remembered the spot that his brother hit his head on the basement floor when they were pushing each other over inside cardboard boxes.
Back outside he marveled at the water basin that used to be full of weeds, and is now grass covered. He found the spot that he, his older brother, and younger sister picnicked on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with their toddler sized table.
He, Aaron, and Jaiydn took advantage of the grassy hills for rolling down fun...

Time and Money Matters which lead to Art, and other things in Life.

Our children are well aware of money and its value. My husband and I have begun budgeting lately, and the kids are becoming familiar with how much we have to spend weekly, and what we are able to afford. We discuss the cost of fuel when we decide how to combine trips to the video game store with trips to the grocery store as just one example.
The other day, my 13 year old wanted to buy some clay to produce a start/stop film. He, his siblings, and his friends really enjoy watching Clay World on YouTube, and he wants to make his own version. He is still deciding what to call his show. Anyhow, he wanted me to drive him to Walmart. We were discussing various options, since the trip to just buy a couple dollars worth of clay would cost about $4 in fuel. We decided that it wasn't worth the money that evening. His grandma could take him when she went to the grocery store the next day, but that would mean missing out on a few hours of his friends birthday party. In the end we discovered that his friends mom would be going to Walmart before the party, so if I dropped him off their on my way to work, we accomplished more time with his friends, no extra fuel cost, and he got his clay.
My 11 year old son, Travis, loves his video games, and both he and his older brother are always buying, selling, and swapping their games at the local Gamestops, or the sole proprietorship game store nearby called Trade and Play. They use their math and reasoning skills to get the best deals, most times getting the better end of the deal. I am impressed with their ingenuity!

As an example of how the kids have learned the value of money, my son Travis was trying to convince me the other night NOT to buy pop for our movie night, even though it is one of his favorite treats! We had accidently rented two of the same title movies, making our total cost $5 for movie rentals, rather than $3. Travis told me, "Mom, we've spent enough money tonight. We don't need to buy the pop." I was flabbergasted. He did not have pop of his own. He was actually choosing not to buy it because of our lack of money! I was proud. :)
Often, my kids earn their own money. Grandma Schooling hires them intermittently to help her weed her yard, and Grandma Frase will let them subcontract with her at her cleaning jobs, but more often than not, they will walk the neighborhood soliciting for yard work. In the winter, my 11, 9, and 7 year olds worked for 3 hours shoveling a local schoolteacher's sidewalk. She paid them well. This summer, my 11 year old has a weekly job mowing a large yard. He makes $25/week!

Gym and "Socialization"

My kids get lots of outdoor play. They love our trampoline, and use it daily. They swim in our pool for hours. We take walks often, at least 3 times/week.
Last week, we got out the bikes and went for a 10 mile bike ride. Halfway through, we stopped for ice cream in the little town of Canal Fulton. They served us amazingly large helpings, YUM!
Jaidyn (5), and Nathan (2.5) rode in the wheeled cart pulled by my bike. My 4 other children, ages 13, 11, 9, and 7 rode on their own, the 7 year old stopping often to drink from the water bottle attached to his bike. Their grandma was with us, since Daddy was out of town working. It was a great time and good excercise.
We also went bowling recently. We took a couple of friends, and had a great time. There were about 12 of us all together, ranging in age from 35 down to 2.5.

Science-Protecting our Environment-Laundry Soap

I began making my own laundry soap a couple of months ago, and have reaped quite a savings.
A few days ago we ran out, and it dawned on me, "Why not teach the kids how to make laundry soap?"
Jesse, my 13 year old was already in bed. He gets up early to go to our hometown public school. We live in a town of about 3,000 people. My oldest homeschooler, Travis (who is 11) was involved in one of his DS games, using the internet as a guide to help him through the tough spots. The youngest kids were off playing, but Savannah, my 9 year old, and Aaron, my 7 year old were available and interested.
They helped grate the bar soap into the boiling water, and measure and pour the borax and washing soda into the 2 gallon bucket of lukewarm water, and then stir the mixture up. Aaron pretended he was a witch stirring his brew... :) We let it set up over night, and in the morning, stirred the gelatinous mix again, until it was smooth enough to pour through the funnel into the empty containers we used for our last batch. We recycle old milk and juice bottles to keep our laundry soap in. We are set for another month of washing clothes effectively and affordably. And the kids have learned about economizing, measuring, chemicals, and fun in the meantime!

RECIPE FOR OUR HOMEMADE LAUNDRY SOAP:

1 quart boiling water
1 bar soap (as free of dyes/scents as possible)

Grate the soap with a cheese grater into the boiling water.

In a large bucket, put 2 gallons of lukewarm water. Add 2 cups Arm and Hammer Washing Soda and 1 cup of Borax.

When soap has fully melted, add the hot mixture to the lukewarm and stir. Let sit overnight. It will smell like soap, and possibly have some gelatinous lumps, but this does not affect the cleaning quality. If you prefer, you may add any essential oil that will not harm the skin. I adore the smell of lavendar, and add 20 drops per gallon of laundry soap when I can afford it.

Business and Courtesy in Play, OH MY!

This crisp August morning I am enjoying sitting at my kitchen table with my steaming cup of coffee listening to the wonderful music of loving children playing together. Not segregated according to age, but my 2 year old thanking my 11 year old for something he gave him, and my 7 and 5 year olds pretending to enjoy a snack together. The quiet turns to frolicking when my 2 year old demands that the 7 and 5 year old, "Get out of MY room, peoples!!" as he chases them.
My oldest homeschooler, Travis, has expanded on the tent that his brother and sister constructed last night. He turned it into a multiple room hotel complete with a food court, pool, customer service desk, an excercise track, and a birds eye view of Mount Toyus (a mountain created by draping white towels -for snow- over a pile of toys. It's complete with little Lego and Pez man climbers. The Grand Opening began when Travis lead his siblings through the hotel, showing them each of the anemities, their rooms, carrying in their baggage, and finishing up with room service food. He uses his professional voice, instructing them on the various hotel rules, "Don't go there, it's a walkway being constructed." "I'm sorry, that is for hotel workers only."
Jaidyn (my 5 year old) wants a more active role in this, so Travis offered he a job as a room service delivery girl. She called him on the pretend phone (from her hotel room to the service desk) to find out what she'd be doing in this job. Now I hear her delivering gummies to her 2 year old brothers room. "That'll be $3." she says. "Thanks!", Nathan replies.
My 9 year old, who enjoys going to public school is recovering from a virus today, and had just come downstairs after her shower. This would be her second day of the 2009-2010 school year, but she is home, instead. She was disappointed, but is looking forward to attending tomorrow. For today, she will pack her bag with her wallet, makeup, and gameboy, and take a room in the Homeschool Hotel.

I experienced the difference between school and unschooling today

Just did science, geography, and weather map lessons with the kids... they were watching cartoons and a severe thunderstorm warning came through, prompting us to look it up online, hence the geography and weather map lesson. While we were busy, Nath...an got into the ice cream, prompting milkshakes on the deck, which led to discussing more about weather patterns, and directions-where the sun rises and sets, etc...

Life Learning Rules! on that same note... I taught cake class to 16 kids today, vs. my normal 5... I can now say from recent personal experience that mass learning does not give the same quality learning as a near 1:1 student/teacher ratio... then t...hrow in the kids dis-interest factor... and hmm..... what sticks in their brains??? OK. I'll get off my soap box now... and I did try to reign it in a lot...
ok, one last thing... "How many kids per teacher are there in a school setting??" oh yeah, a 'good' school setting ratio is 26 students to 1 teacher... I have to question the quality of that learning! Sorry. I just can't see it. The kid would have to be WAY motivated, i.e. interested, to learn, and be able to ignore all the distractions and kid-...management going on.... ok, really, I'll stop now. I'm gonna go write all this in my blog. It's one thing to hear about it, but to experience it today for myself... W.O.W.

early morning Serenity

Grounded in Bliss, I walk my path

peace flowing through me no permission to ask

early Serenity on a rainy morn

my Heart keeps expanding like a ripple formed

by a stone dropped into the depths...

Peace be.

Jaidyn's Learning

I can't believe how much our kids just soak up without any formal "teaching". I am just beginning to really "get" how humans actually learn while reading Frank book called, "The Book of Learning and Forgetting". I'll fill in his last name when I remember it. :)
Anyhoo, so I wouldn't forget, I wanted to post a pic of Jaidyn "teaching" her Daddy some of what she has learned on her own. I'll put details in when I have more time.

How we are Wired To Learn!

I found this on a message board, but it is truly clarifying. I love it. I want to read it again to more fully understand it. I am intrigued by the human brain, and how it works.

Life doesn't come in boxes. Life is stuff all jumbled together. From
that chaos we focus on what we think is cool.

While it makes more sense that we should learn better by isolating
what we are interested in so we could focus on it exclusively, that
isn't how we're hard wired to learn. We're hard wired to learn in
context, to see how what we're interested in connects to other
things. To see other things we're interested in relate.

While it would make more sense if kids learned one word at a time,
that isn't how kids learn. They're immersed in language and get
excited when they recognize something familiar in the chaos. And that
familiar thing connects to other things around it which become
familiar. And then there are more familiar things to catch our
attention in the chaos.

We *want* to pull familiar from chaos. We want to create our *own*
order from the chaos. *That's* how we're hard wired to learn.

Learning from boxes is like following someone else's instructions on
which puzzle piece to put where into the jigsaw puzzle. It's someone
handing you the solution to and crossword puzzle for you to fill the
boxes in from.

We want and need to discover things on our own. We want and need to
make the connections for ourselves.

Children need to feel safe and secure. They need to feel they can
depend on whatever makes them feel secure. What that actually looks
like in practice will be different for each child.

Some kids need to know what the day is going to be like. Some kids
enjoy surprises.

Check out Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow%27s_hierarchy_of_needs

This is what we need to grow. If the lowest needs aren't met, we
can't attend to the higher needs. No where is there structure on the
list:

Basic:
Breathing, food, water, sex, sleep, homeostasis (maintain optimal
body temperature), excretion

Next level:
Security of body, of employment, of resources, of morality, of the
family, of health, of property

Next level:
friendship, family, sexual intimacy

Next level:
self-esteem, confidence, achievement, respect of others, respect by
others

Top level:
morality, creativity, spontaneity, problem solving, lack of
prejudice, acceptance of facts.

Most child rearing practices view
children as though they were some species other than human. Children
are humans. They are more dependent on others to get their needs met,
but they have human needs and they react as humans to having their
needs thwarted.

Humans don't need structure to feel safe and grow. Some humans do
like to structure their environment. Some humans will even freely
gravitate towards someone else's structure. But no healthy human
wants others to dictate the structure of the environment for them
without having a say.

Conventional parenting tries to make life with kids more convenient.
We treat kids in ways we'd *never* treat a fellow (adult) human
being. At least not ones we cared about!

We do huge amounts of damage to our relationships with kids in the
name of forming them into better people, and into making life easier
for ourselves. And most parents' relationships with their teens shows
it! Society thinks teens are naturally snarky and rebellious. It's
not true. Respected kids grow into respectful kids and respectful
teens.

Friday, the 20th...

This morning we made flan. Never heard of it? Or heard of it, and never eaten it, or aren't sure exactly what it was beyond some type of food? Me too. It was on my list of one of those "weird" foods. Food I'd heard of, but would probably never eat. Maybe that's just me, though, since I was quite the "picky" child, and was never exposed to many different foods. My kids have eaten such a wider variety of foods than I ever did as a child.
So, Flan. I was looking in the pantry for breakfast when I spied a box of it in our pudding section. Hmm... Dh must've picked that up, because I surely didn't. No wait, maybe one of the kids picked it up thinking it was vanilla pudding. Turns out that's how it happened to end up in our pantry. We looked it up online before we made it, and found all sorts of interesting facts (and leads to other discussions). Travis (ds,age 11), and I read about it, and then he made it while I cleaned up the kitchen. We found out that the earliest evidence we have of it being made was in the Roman times, also the earliest recorded time of domesticated chickens. The Romans consulted the Greek's knowledge of cooking, and made a savory custard dish, nonsweetened. Over the centuries it evolved through different cultures. Spaniards made it into the sweet custard we know of today, and the English made their own version of flan by adding fruits and nuts, and also using a pastry crust for the bottom only. In English it is pronounced to rhyme with 'plan', and in Mexico (which was where the Spaniards took it to) it's pronounced to rhyme with 'faun'. I think the Mexican version sounds fancier, but will continue to use the English version as it is easier to prounce.
We also read about how the barbaric Medieval peoples, whose time was contiguous with Roman times, made flan. We had to use dictionary.com to look up what contiguous meant. There were other words that I was able to explain the meaning of to Travis (and yes, he asked what they meant), but that one wasn't one of them. Turns out that it means adjacent to in time, or close to without actually touching. So, our vocabulary words for today were: contiguous, savory, barbarian, pastry crust, and of course flan, as Travis had never heard of it. He now has an intimate knowledge of it, seeing as how he made it himself. :)

Other learning that has gone on today would be continued work with fractions and measurements during cooking, strategic planning and puzzle solving on the Twilight Princess Zelda game, science: Nathan, Jaidyn, and Aaron exploring and observing nature. They enjoyed the March 40 degree weather, and Jaidyn decided that she'd be better off in a coat, instead of her shirt. :) Those three have been playing with Lego knight figurines from a board game. They are really cool little guys that completely come apart and include a helmet, armor, a shield, and a sword, which is pretty amazing seeing as how they are about 2 inches tall. They played indoors and out with them, letting them slide off the trampoline on the slide that they'd set up a few days ago. I thought that the slide itself was pretty ingenious. We've had it around since I found it in someone's front yard, and dared to ask if they still wanted it. It'd cost about $100 if we bought it, but we got it for free!
My littles, Jaidyn and Nathan are now running nude, and I need to go do some more learning, instead of documenting.. :)

Travis' Friday the 13th Learning

Last Friday, I took the younger 3 kids out to McDonald's to play while I discussed birth and becoming a doula with a new friend.
Travis stayed home. Before we left, we were reading a History book and discussing why History is important to learn about, how it repeats itself, and also began discussing social justice. We talked about how leveling out the populace may or may not be fair to people depending on which person you are. I asked him to explain social justice in a competition to me, and he described a race where each person got weighted down equally to attempt to make the race fair. We then discussed the what ifs, such as, what if one of the runners was a 250lb. muscle man, and one was a lazy person who sat on the couch all the time, and one was a small framed girl who weighed only 100 lbs., and so on... I suggested that you adjust the weights to make it equally difficult for each runner, and we decided that that would be the best way to offer social justice in a running race.
I went to Mcdonald's, and Trav stayed home. Later in the weekend, he asked me, "Who's that black guy who was killed, and he tried to make things more fair for black people? And before him, wasn't it a fact that blacks had to eat on a different side of the resteraunt than whites?" That was Martin Luther King, I replied, and a discussion ensued, based on the fact that he'd spend that Friday the 13th, watching court cases on TV, and someone had mentioned Martin Luther King. History, with no prompting!

My Big Girl's first Saint Patricks Day at school.

Savannah went off on the bus a few minutes ago. Her green hair shining, as she walked beautifully across the still frosted lawn. She's one of my early risers, happy to be choosing her own path, walking off to her chosen mecca of friends. She knows that she has the choice to be at home, yet she likes the individuality she feels this year. Being always homeschooled, she was curious about school. She found out that there are good things, and bad about it, but overall, for her, the choice was to finish out the year.
We discuss friends, and how most people at school don't act like she and her other friends are used to acting, but she is learning to be a chameleon, and likes testing her skills for fending off their barbs.
She also loves to come home and be pampered! The other night I spend half an hour giving her feet the spa treatment, and sometimes, she just HAS to go somewhere, because she feels trapped with the whole school/home, school/home, school/home cycle of the week. And at other times, all the constant noise at school overstimulates her, and she spends a hour or two locked in our office singing to songs on YouTube, to balance her senses.
I love seeing the individuality in my kids.

Toddler/Little Kid Dreams

I love observing my kids grow and learn. One of the best things is when they figure out what dreams are. When my first daughter was 3 or so, she woke up one morning, and announced to me, that she had seen 'pictures in her head'! :)
I was reminded of that this morning when my 4.5 year old daughter Jaidyn, came into the office, and explained a very interesting realization that she had. Earlier this morning, she had told me that she had heard a beeping from the little round thing with the button on it while she was in bed. We discussed it a little more, as she wanted to know if there was a fire, and I realized it was the smoke alarm she was talking about. She wanted to know why it was beeping, and since it's not going off right now, I figured that the battery may be getting low, and told her so. We didn't discuss it anymore for about 20 minutes, and then she came downstairs, and told me that she'd realized that it had been a dream! There hadn't been any real beeping from the smoke alarm while she was in bed.
How did she figure this out? Well, she said that in her dream, the round thing with the light was on the ground. And she'd just looked up in real life and saw that it was on the ceiling. :) Therefore, she deduced that it must have been a dream. I told her that she was pretty smart to have figured that out. It is always so impressive to watch their little intellects grow untaught!! :)
A thought occurred to me after that. What if I'd said to her, "Oh Jaidyn, the smoke alarm is not beeping. You must have imagined that."? What if I'd assumed that little kids make stories up just because? What if I hadn't BELIEVED her? I may not have had the chance to see that little bit of magic happening in my child. I'm so glad that this trust I have in my heart is now here. When I first began my parenting journey, it wasn't. What a glorious change.
Thanks, Jaidyn, my first always free, undominated child!

My kids' choices

This month, I felt good enough to be able to take my kids out of PS, to homeschool them again. Travis and Aaron were elated, and Jesse and Savannah have chosen to stay in PS! I was a little surprised at Savannah, but feel completely wonderful about supporting her in making her own choices. We discuss her reluctance to go at times, the reasons why, problems with friends, her dislike of sitting in one room for most of the day... but overall, she chooses to stay. She likes some of the schoolwork, and she enjoys feeling independent, I think. She enjoys getting out of the house, and riding the bus (most days). Some days she asks us to drive her. I am just overjoyed at seeing my kids making their own choices.
Jesse is almost 13, is sprouting a mustache, and is enjoying hanging out with his peers, and blowing by most of the students in his class academically. After 3 years of unschooling, I might add. I loved telling his teachers what we'd been doing, when they told me at the first Parent/Teacher meeting that "Whatever you've been doing, it's been great! Jesse is one of the highest students in our class!" :) Hah! I could have laughed out loud to see the confusion on their faces when I told them we'd not done any textbooks, played video games, watched movies and went to museums.... I still smile thinking about it.
It seems that 7th graders get more freedom than 1st, 3rd, or 5th graders. Jesse gets freedom to eat in one of his classes, and seems to get a lot more interaction with his peers. Could be his outlook, though. He's suddenly popped out of his quietness, and become the happy go lucky teenager... :) Anyway, I love it that they are all enjoying their lives.

Screen Time Marathons and their Educational Value!

I know lots of parents freak out when their kids watch "too much" tv. A few weekends ago, my 11 year old's grandpa introduced him to a show called Solitary 3.0. He watched it on Hulu, and got hooked. We spent about 7-10 hours in a weekend watching an entire season of this show. We/ he and his siblings have also spent hours since that weekend catching episodes here and there. It has inspired he and his brother to build their own "pods" in the basement from blankets and boxes and grey tape. They plan to add meal slots as well.
We are going to "play" Solitary, and I am going to be Val, the computer overlord... :) Today the boys spent time in the basement constructing their pods, after calling the local grocery store, and finding out that they wouldn't have large boxes available right now.
We are planning our own "treatments", which are similar to "torture challenges", "how much can you take?" kind of thing. We are thinking that it may involve food.
Then, my 11 year old ds hit upon the idea of eating meal bars for food throughout the days they plan to spend in these pods, just like in the show. I said that I could purchase them, but because of their desire to have what they want "right now", they came up with the idea of searching online for recipes. :) This led my dh to reading many recipes, being introduced to wheat germ, sesame seeds, protein powder, and other ingredients probably unknown to him, as well as watching a chef's video on how to make protein bars, and the nutrition involved. I listened in the next room hearing the talk about protein and such, and smiled to myself. Self directed learning. Health class, cooking class, art/ingenuity, imagination, working together, public interaction with adults, resourcefulness.... all came out of watching "too much" TV.
I love having them home again. I am soooo thankful to be leaving that depression behind.

P.S. Travis has now made 5 additional meal bars, to play around with the composition. The first one turned out too wet, so he added less water this time. He then put them in the fridge. Some of them he repeated the too much water mistake, and some of them turned out great, the consistency of No Bake cookies. He is excited to begin he and Aaron's stay in Solitary this afternoon, with only his meal bars for substinence! :)