Wednesday, April 30, 2008

I don't want to be an insecure, people pleaser anymore

People pleasing is extremely stressful! I lived the last 12 years at least of my life people pleasing, and it made me unhappy to say the very least.
It is so nerve wracking stepping out on my own. Even people pleasing is a hard habit to break. Sometimes I fear rejection. But then I look back at how I've been unhappy for so many years, and I realize I have a choice. I can choose to please others, and suffer long term internal consequences with external periodic benefits, or I can choose what is right for me and my family, and reap internal, ongoing benefits with a few temporary external consequences.
Being me is certainly something different. I've been chasing perfection for so long, it' s wonderful to just sit back, drink some coffee, and relax in my humanity.
Oh! that reminds me of a poem I wrote the other day... I'll go get my journal and post it...

By Lake Anna on my "day off"

In this moment I am human
I am happy.

On perfection's shoulders
lies a misery
a dark cloak of anxiety

On humanity's shoulders, lightly worn
lies a mantle of happiness
flexible, reliable, warm

I am human
I am not perfect
nor will I ever be.
I am content.

No comments: